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剑5TEST2大作文求改，想知道自己最大的问题在那里？牛人们帮忙看下，感激不尽！
自己上次考试照着模板写5.5分（其实就开头是照着模板写的），所以现在再也不敢用模板写了，决心自己来组织语言，这是我写的剑桥5TEST2的大作文，希望大牛们帮助看下，这样我这个菜也可以发现自己的弱项来努力，谢谢大家！本来是想直接用帖子，但发现有的单词会连在一起，所以只好上传附件了，大家见谅啊！/ O8 H% R7 r: N
我自己感觉我的词用的好俗气啊，都是简单的词汇，您们是怎样看的呢？
[ 本帖最后由 zhangyuannh3 于
08:35 编辑 ]
本帖子中包含更多资源
才可以下载或查看，没有帐号？
但是第一印象就是40分钟内你绝对写不了那么多.+ q5 e3 J2 z5 N% G) h) ~1 e2 o
What,you maywonder,is the consequences of youngsters finding a job or beginning a travelduring the time of a year rather than entering the classroom in universityimmediately of who have just graduated from high schools and are going to befreshman in colleges.Although,inspired by their parents and teachers,he or she undoubtedlymake up his or her mind to explore the society and the world by a job or atrip,it seems that with some positive effects being brought,the negative onesalso emerge among above activities.
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Why these wayschose by so many young student become second to none on acquainting themselveswith real society can be illustrated by the cause that through normal teachingon class from high school to college only theoretical knowledge are absorbedcompletely by students.By contrast,the practical skills such as the ability ofcommunication are really hard to be taught at school,which need real backgroundsand visual negotiations with strangers.Because of this,if somebody look forwardto adapt cruel society in advance,it is necessary for them to spent such a yearon getting in touch with the real world.Furthermore,these future students incampus are easier to make friend with the strangers who they never meet bycooperating with others or helping each other during the trip.And the biggestadvantage they can obtain is that with the chance of ** every crucial decisionto cope with difficulties happened during this year,self-esteem would beencouraged and self-knowledge also can be fulfilled.0 }3 y: q0 F5 X# |
However,likepatients take pills to control diseases accompanied by side effect,thedisadvantages of having interim year to experience the true world and becomemature in psychology are also brought about.Firstly,it is inevitable that aftergetting salary and earning money in work or enjoying themselves at touristsites the interests on study will naturally decreae and the attraction ofknowledge will deminsh at the same time,followed by the behaviours of skipingthe courses and giving up the goal in life.Even worse,there are manytemptations such as luxury hotels and modern pubs that lead to a wrong way tocourt material lifestyles and then make them hated in study." ?2 g1 o, I# u
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In myopinion,before starting the first social course in lifetime,the right guidancesfrom parents and teachers is essential to make sure that these vivid youthswill not be disturbed by bad things.Only in this way,can these activities abouta year be useful for young people and the whole society.! H$ t( D$ K( N2 X8 z
是啊，的确我在打在电脑上时还修改了的，的确写的时间有点长...
原帖由 zhangyuannh3 于
22:47 发表 8 i: m8 }: }# P- N1 q
是啊，的确我在打在电脑上时还修改了的，的确写的时间有点长... 7 y' u" [$ w% g* D7 v
你用word写essay如果word提示红色波浪状下划线就证明是一定有错误.要改的." M) S/ E6 h4 r7 ^: M
我打开你文章吓一跳.好多红色.
先自己改改吧.( L: B! S/ ?8 T" L# x3 Y
你的句子太长了.
好像逗号附近都有波浪，难道我的格式都是错的？恩，好的，再去检查下，谢谢您了。1 S) {1 S5 e' S2 [1 G
晕！真的发现好多错误啊，看来以后要好好用word来检查了。5.5分的作文的确是该的！
* {! z5 x0 s/ U
[ 本帖最后由 zhangyuannh3 于
08:42 编辑 ]
问题好多。。。首先你得试着搞明白英文写作的标点符合与文字之间的格式。 否则打出来一对红线绿线的。。
红线说明格式有错误，或者单词有错误等等，绿线是什么主谓不一致啊之类的。2 t! Z7 {7 L1 t
你先保证文章红线绿线不出现。。。再让人改比较有诚意
What, you may wonder, is the consequences of youngsters finding a job or beginning a travel during the time of a year rather than entering the classroom in university immediately of who have just graduated from high schools and are going to be freshman in colleges.
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第一句就好雷。
' \' Q&&H% e7 J
楼主具体修改方案看2楼的签名魔兽世界插件牛逼人帮忙~~~~~_百度知道
魔兽世界插件牛逼人帮忙~~~~~
我需要个JJC插件 简单说 我是法师 第三次羊人以后不是免疫了吗 我需要的是第三次羊人以后到下一次8秒羊之间的免疫计时插件 请达人们进来看看 详细帮兄弟说说 发个连接 在说明插件安全说明的 兄弟万分感谢
提问者采纳
不要太依赖插件，没啥大用处，时间大约在15秒左右，这个一般都是心算的貌似现在没有插件提示这个
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八秒而已 还用插件吗 想成为高手 还是心计吧
8秒 你自己找感觉吧~什么都依赖插件~多没意思~
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出门在外也不愁戴云的2-1格式各位牛人们.上完戴云教主的课快3年了,戴云推荐的2-1框架,现在已经记不太清楚了,笔记上只写着“支持面有点充分论述+反对面优点一到两点简略论述”但是这样怎么体现出强烈支持支持面呢?是不是还_百度作业帮
戴云的2-1格式各位牛人们.上完戴云教主的课快3年了,戴云推荐的2-1框架,现在已经记不太清楚了,笔记上只写着“支持面有点充分论述+反对面优点一到两点简略论述”但是这样怎么体现出强烈支持支持面呢?是不是还需要做比较?有没有作文范例可以给一下的?
这是戴云教主对一篇2-1的修改,希望对你有帮助Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
审题：1、观点选择类,同意哪个观点并给出理由和例证.2、题目特点：含有绝对性的词语never,因此态度是不同意该观点.3、段落结构：2-1 提纲1、（很多人认为要集思广益）但本人不同意.2、主体部分（此部分可以多采取对比论证的方式）（1）很多时候需要一个人独自做出决定.在情况紧急的时候（比如遇到灾难、突发事故等等,此处当举例以细节说明）；在日常生活中有很多事情根本不需要讨论决定(即便它很重要),个人简单思考之后决定即可,否则会及其没有效率（此处也可以举例说明）.（2）需要集思广益的原因是个人智力总是有限的.但是即便是一个人独自做出的决定也不一定就是错误的.原因：根据生活中积累的经验可以快速做出决定.有时候本能也是决定的正确依据.（3）不可否认在很多情况下人们应当在广泛听取意见之后再做决定（可以举国家大事为例）,这样可以让决定更加的理性,这甚至也是现代社会民主制度的要求.（对方观点的合理性）3、结论：虽然两方各有优势,但是绝不能够说人们在任何情况下都绝对不应该独自做出决定,这种观点太过于绝对,因此我的观点是. Many people hold the opinion that before one person makes an important decision, he or she should draw on collective wisdom and absorb all useful ideas to make the decision more rational. However, there is the opposite voice saying that people can make one important decision depending on his or her own judgments. From my own perspective, I can hardly give my approval for the former point view. I think that although we need advice and opinions from a mass of persons, it is not to say that it’s impossible for some to make big decisions himself in any case.
The first reason I want to put forward is that, in many occasions it’s indispensable for people to make up their minds without others’ ideas. Life abounds with such examples. One of the best typical instances is that if you suffered from some nature (natural) disasters, or some accidents, you would determine how to get rid of the crisis as quickly as possible even though nobody could give you useful advice at the right moment. For example, just imagine that you ran (这里不需要再用虚拟语气了,你可以直接说 imagine that you run) into one devastating tsunami which would happen once in a century when you were wandering (同理用are wandering) at a coastal beach in a certain seaside city to enjoy the beautiful sunshine, would you take out your mobile phone to ask for advice from your relatives one by one or just run away to the nearest elevation immediately? I think the answer is definitely the latter one. At a critical moment like this, it is out of question that people will have no time to have a discussion to determine which way is the best. Besides the emergencies like (like 是介词,不能后面接从句,应该加上what,变成 like what I talk about above)I talk about above, people will always face some conditions that even the issues are very important and people should be wise enough to determine, (你这儿用逗号,两句话之间明显缺乏连接呀,到底是什么关系呢?语义不明,你这个长句子在逻辑上有很大的问题) there is no need to collect ideas from a group because that will lead to a waste of time and vigor (很少用到waste of vigor吧,我觉得用应该用waste of energy,欢迎与我探讨). Measure the cost of collecting wisdom and think about the efficiency (我觉得这里用祈使句不是很好, 可以换用别的说法,比如说条件状语从句,或者你直接用动名词做状语也可以,主要因为我们的位置是等待老师评判的考生嘛,所以有点读者意识是好的,如果你坚持自己说话的方式我也支持：－)) so it’s obvious that sometimes to make an important decision alone may be a better choice. When you were asking your classmates which dining hall you should go for lunch this afternoon, all the dishes would be sold out so that you would have nothing to eat. (呵呵,你忽然冒出这么一句,真是另我感到错手不及呀,你这一句到底想表达一个什么意思来支持你的论点呢?其实可以展开写一下把你的例子说清楚,或者干脆不要.) The second reason to prove the necessity of making decisions alone is that, although one person’s ability is limited so people often have to put (their) heads together so as to (你前面已经有了一个so了,这边用 in order to 就显得通顺多了) get better results, it’s uncertain that the determinations made all alone will always (be) wrong. (我 个人认为这个句子的逻辑是有问题的, 我们可以把他翻译成中文来看： 另一个用以证明自己做决定的必要性的原因是：虽然个人力量是有限的,为了得到更好的结果往往需要集思广义,但是自己做的决定也不一定是错的.首先说,你说 的内容可以成为一个原因,但是不能成为证明“必要性”的原因,如果你有问题,我们可以一起探讨) During the life of everybody, all of (the) people can acquire useful knowledge from books and accumulate rich experiences from daily life ,(这里要加逗号断句,标点符号也是长句子的重要逻辑提示)and these （可以用从句which替换） are enough to solve many problems people meet at ordinary times, so why people have to ask for advice from others as soon as they encounter difficulties. (注意,这不是原因状语从句,所以你在做问句的时候一定要注意句子的完整性,注意助动词的提前和最后的句号的问题)I shall choose to take the test of TOEFL in July but not this month without asking my parents because I think this choice is appropriate according to my realistic English level, for no one else could know me better than myself. (可以再改一下：Without asking my parents, I made the decision of taking the test of TOEFL in July but not this month, because I think it’s a reasonable decision according to current English Level. As you know, no one else could know you better than yourself.)
We cannot deny that people must make up (their own) minds after listening to all kinds of opinions of people as many as possible. (改为from as many people as possible) When one government will (你为什么在这里用将来时呢?可以直接用is trying to)make a big decision, it is no doubt (这里不是强调句型,所以应该用there is no doubt that 的固定搭配,这是一个非常常见的错误,请注意!) that the views of the mass population must be heard first, to make sure that the decision will be rational and people’s rights will be well protected (considered). That’s why we say democracy is much better than autocracy. (这句话完全没有必要,而且考虑到场合,你最好不要说)When the leader of one country will (同上,不用将来时) decide something relate to the national economy and livelihood of the masses (public 比 mass 更好,显得褒义), he should never make the important decision alone. What a good sample (sample? 还是example) that what Adolf Hitler and his Nazi Party did during the Second World War. Listening to more opinions beforehand brings many benefits to not only invidious (individuals) but also countries.
In conclusion, I cannot support the idea that a person should never make an important decision alone because this statement is too absolute to convince me. Whether we should make decisions alone or ask for others’ views (opinions) depends on which (what) kind of problems we face to (are facing), so it’s right (it’d better) to choose the appropriate method instead of simply saying that one is better than the other.
问题：1、练习的机会还是太少,导致思维不敏捷,反应不迅速,以后要尽可能多的利用空闲时间练习写作.2、超时现象仍然存在,虽然比写第一篇的时候有所好转,但是超时即无意义,而且必须留出3到5分钟的检查时间.所以一要加快打字速度,二要控制文章字数,保证550-600词即可,应当训练简洁明了地表达观点的能力（行文过程中要时刻保持头脑清醒,绝对不能偏离主线）.3、文章结构上稍有进步,但是表达仍然有严重问题.语法和词汇功底不扎实,要通过记忆和大量练习解决；缺少句型变化,文章没有亮点,要通过对范文的背诵加以解决.
您可能关注的推广回答者：高温电镀磨砂是什么工艺?在淘宝上看到一款手表,表壳采用的是这种工艺.这种工艺跟电镀有区别吗?会不会容易掉色?或者说能维持多长时间不掉色?知道的牛人们说一下,谢谢谢谢_百度作业帮
高温电镀磨砂是什么工艺?在淘宝上看到一款手表,表壳采用的是这种工艺.这种工艺跟电镀有区别吗?会不会容易掉色?或者说能维持多长时间不掉色?知道的牛人们说一下,谢谢谢谢
其实就是电镀
装饰性光亮电镀层。工艺做的好的可以做到既光亮又附着牢固不掉色。表壳上应是可以做的。
您可能关注的推广回答者：牛人们帮我翻译句英语吧~~~_百度知道
牛人们帮我翻译句英语吧~~~
“我会努力让自己变得更优秀，将来要配得上一个优秀的男人”嘿嘿，谢谢啦~~
提问者采纳
Aiming to make me
better to look for a better man is my hope.
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I will strive to become an outstanding woman and to be worthy of a successful man in the future.
I will work hard to be more excellent to match with an excellent man in the future.
I will make myself be more excellent,to be a girl who
deserves an excellent man.
I'll try my best to make myself become more excellent than other girls,so I can make sure to match up with someone excellent too.Hei~~~Thanks
I will try my best to become more excellent to deserve an outstanding man in the future.
I'll try hard to become more excellent to match an excellent man in the future.
I will try my best to be a better man so that I may deserve to be called an excellent guy someday in the future.
参考资料：
I will try hard to make myself better in order to match an excellent man in the future. 希望对能您有所帮助！
I am try to be more outstanding to match an oustsanding man in the future.
I'll try hard to become my best to be worthy of an excellent man in the future.
I'll try my best to become more excellent to be an excellent man in the future
我的版本是：I am going to pefect myself to deserve a pefect man.
I will spare no efforts to become more excellent to deserve the reputation as an excellent man.
i will endeavor to become more excellent to match a superior man
in the future
make myself better,I into outstanding men in the aftertime.
I will try to make ourselves more excellent, will deserve a good man
I will try to make ourselves more excellent, will deserve a good manHey hey, thanks!
I will try my best to make myself better, to be worthy of the last good man
希望能帮到你！！ Perhaps you are right, friends are those who 希望能帮到你~ Maybe you are right. Friends are someone who
呃、、、what？
l will spare no efforts to become more excellent to deserve the reputation as an excellent man.
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出门在外也不愁}