White Chicks
Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Wayans Brothers movie
White Chicks
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the White Chicks
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie directed by Keenan Ivory
Wayans and starring Shawn Wayans, Jaime King, Marlon Wayans, Frankie Faison,
yadda yadda.& This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of White Chicks
. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Swing on back to
afterwards for more !
White Chicks
Where's Manny?
Tell him the ice cream man is here.
Freeze. Hammer time.
Can we get down to business?
You got the money?
He said that
he's not gonna give you one red cent...
until you tell him
what flavor the ice cream is.
Vanilla. That's what you ordered.
-Tell him.
lt's all about the Benjamins, baby!
Bring in the stuff.
-Arnold Schwarzenegger, funny man!
-He's funny like that!
There is your ice cream.
Tell him. l see coming. He say....
l tell him, l say Jes鷖.
He coming, and he say....
-Tell him.
-He say...
FBl. You're under arrest.
-He's going to run.
-No, he ain't.
You owe me $ .
Where are you going, big boy?
Goddamn. Now l'm going to bust your ass.
ls that all your big ass got?
All right, you two over here. Right now.
l swear l'll shoot both of you.
Damn, Marcus, why you always
got to pick the biggest dude?
l don't know. l like a challenge.
See, what did l tell you?
We did it, right? Didn't l tell you?
-No help. No backup.
-You the man.
We'll get all the credit.
The biggest bust of our career.
keys of pure....
-Vanilla ice cream?
My man! Where's the drugs?
l know nothing about drugs.
l sell ice cream. Strawberry. Vanilla.
Neapolitan, for example.
Tell Manny his ice cream delivery is here.
Never mind. Wrong store.
FBl. Freeze!
-l'm good.
-They're moving.
-Let's go.
-Which one?
-l don't know.
l told you we should've called for backup.
You know the Chief's gonna kill us, right?
You know the Chief's gonna kill us, right?
Let me give you guys a little tip.
lf you're going to
operate outside the channels...
do the whole renegade cop thing...
you might want to make sure
that you get the right guy.
Chief, we almost had the guy.
Our intelligence was just a little off.
Wait a minute. lntelligence?
Look around you, Copeland.
There's nothing intelligent about this.
Now l'm tired of your escapades.
l want them to stop.
The last thing l need is
to be the laughingstock of the Bureau.
And furthermore, the--
Hold on. Hello? Baby, l can't talk.
The Chief is chewing my ass right now.
l got to call you back. Bye.
-Sorry, Chief.
-As l was saying--
Gordon here.
Yes, he is.
-lt's for you.
-Thank you.
-Baby, l'm still with the Chief.
-No respect.
No, he's really not happy now.
Okay, l got to go. Bye. Thanks, Chief.
You guys are.... Get this place cleaned up.
l expect to have a full report
on my desk tomorrow.
-Yes, sir.
-And in the meantime...
l'm checking with the Bureau
to see if they got any openings...
The Dynamic Duo strikes again.
Way to go, Baskin and Robbin.
Or is it H鋋g and Dazs?
H鋋g and Dazs. You wrote that?
That's good, l like that.
-Later, H鋋g.
-Adi髎, Dazs.
-l hate those guys, dude.
All right.
Well, let's get this place cleaned up.
-All right.
-Okay, so, you do the floor.
Clean all the ice cream up
and l'll go warm the car up.
Okay. So much for a hot meal.
-Hey, baby.
-Don't ''hey, baby'' me.
l can't believe you have me
sitting here all night worried about you.
All night? Baby...
it's only :.
Look, after work, me and Kevin went
down to the bar and had a couple of drinks.
l know. l called the bar.
They said you left at :.
l checked MapQuest. lt only takes
six minutes to get there from here.
So, if you got somebody on the side,
you need to tell me.
Baby, listen to what you just say.
MapQuest said it takes six minutes
to get here. l got here in eight.
Which means there's two minutes
unaccounted for.
lf l was cheating on you, don't you think
l'd need more than two minutes?
You know what?
l ain't going to deal with this.
l'm tired, okay?
l had a long day at work. l got shot at.
See, that is exactly what l'm talking about.
We don't communicate.
-Okay, fine. You want to communicate?
Come on. Let's communicate. Okay?
Okay. Let's start with last week.
Last week.
You and l were supposed
to go shopping together. We get to the mall.
l buy this beautiful dress,
l get my hair done.
You don't say anything. l don't know,
maybe you just don't want to....
Did you hear me just now?
Tell me what l said.
l heard everything. You was communicating.
Don't play with me right now.
l am not in the mood.
l cannot believe you came home late
and then you start....
Marcus! You are falling asleep again.
l am talking to you.
l wasn't asleep, l was closing my eyes
and visualizing your words.
Oh, really? Visualizing?
Why don't you paint me a picture
of what l just said?
-You know why?
Because you are
falling asleep again. Marcus!
We received this from Mr. Andrew Wilson,
CEO of Wilson Cruise Lines.
It was delivered to his home.
The girls in the photo are his daughters...
and heiresses to the Wilson fortune.
We believe
they are the kidnapper's next victims.
Mr. Wilson has given us permission
to shadow his daughters.
We're going to set up surveillance...
and if the kidnapper strikes...
this time we will be ready.
Now, the Wilson sisters will be flying
into JFK this morning.
So who's going to pick them up?
Obviously, everyone has read
the profile on the girls.
Still, somebody's got to do it.
l don't think this is a good idea.
l don't care. We deserve to be on this case
just as much as Gomez and Harper.
l know, but we don't want
to interrupt the man in a briefing.
Well, somebody got to stand up to him.
-Marcus has something he want to tell you.
Chief, we just want to know
if we could get on the case.
You're on.
The boys over at lntel seem to think
that the kidnapper's a guy...
named Ted Burton.
lt says Burton was a partner of Wilson's...
and some other associates
in some business venture that failed.
Says he spent time in the Federal pen
and lost his fortune.
Guy's been MlA since his release and those
dates coincide with the first kidnappings.
-What do you think?
-l think this babysitting gig sucks.
Dude, relax.
Look, man.
All we got to do is pick these chicks up...
drop their ass off in the Hamptons,
then we back in the Chief's good graces.
l didn't join the FBl to become a nanny.
l want to be on the street
where the action is.
Okay, Blackie Chan, and you'll get there.
Can we just do this first, please?
-All right.
-You didn't put dairy in this, did you?
-Because you know l'm lactose intolerant.
Last time, l barely made it to the bathroom.
Why would l want to disturb your stomach?
There goes your girls.
Come on, man. Let's do this.
-Hi, l'm Kevin Copeland. This is--
-We already gave to the United Negro Fund.
-Wait. Hold on.
-Excuse us.
We're actually here
to escort you ladies to the Hamptons.
The bags are on the plane.
Take Baby and clean out his bag.
He didn't have his colonic
and he like pooped everywhere.
-What's this?
-Baby got to ride in the car seat.
Where the hell am l supposed to sit?
This ain't right.
Man, you guys sure got a lot of bags
for a weekend.
-This isn't a weekend.
-lt's the weekend.
Labor Day in the Hamptons.
The last weekend of the social season.
Only the hottest people
are going to be there.
And only the hottest of the hottest
are going to make it onto the cover...
of Hamptons Magazine. And this is our year.
Open the window.
Baby likes a little fresh breeze.
l just hope the Vandergeld sisters'
private jet crashes on the way there.
-Oh, my God, Brittany!
-You were thinking it!
-l know, but you said it.
You know Heather totally hates you
because you slept with her boyfriend.
My God. So what?
l sleep with everyone's boyfriend.
ls everybody all right?
My God! Your lip.
My God! Your nose.
Marcus, are you okay?
-l'm cool.
-Baby's in a wreck!
l can't believe...
you think we're going to go to the Hamptons
with my face looking like that.
lt's really not that bad.
Just get some makeup and cover it up.
Put makeup on this?
l am so fricking pissed.
My God, this is like the worst day of my life.
l went to go get my brows done...
and l told her to make me look like J-Lo.
And then that fricking Russian toad
made me look...
like Liza Minnelli or something.
Oh, my God! l'm going to have a B.F.
Wait. What's a B.F.?
She's going to have a bitch fit!
-You better get out of here.
-l am going to call your boss.
-You don't have to do that.
-No, l'll call the owner of the company.
Come on, just take it easy.
Look, we can work this out.
-l'm going to write a letter.
Please don't write a letter.
Look, just calm down.
You guys just stay here.
Stay here the whole weekend.
Do whatever you want. But whatever you do,
do not leave this room.
Don't leave this room, because if you do,
everyone's gonna see those hideous scars.
-My God! Permanent damage.
-My life is over.
lf l lose this job with these good benefits,
Gina's gonna kill me.
-They won't go.
-What do you mean, they won't go?
-They won't go.
Marcus, this weekend in the Hamptons
means everything for these girls.
They won't show up with a scratched-up
nose and a busted lip for nobody.
That's cool.
What are you doing?
l'm just going to kill myself before
the Chief does.
-Bye-bye, Kevin.
Don't do that. Stop being ridiculous.
l'm not being ridiculous. You heard the man.
One more screw-up, and we're through.
-l know, man.
-See? That's probably him right now.
Hey, what's up, Chief?
There's something me and Kevin
want to tell you.
Yeah, Chief? Hey.
Me and Marcus just wanted to thank you
for the opportunity, man.
No, we didn't.
Yeah, we really appreciate it.
They wanted to stop off
and get something to eat.
He's lying to--
Two, three hours max.
lf l don't have them there in three hours,
l'll cut them off and mail them to you myself.
-All right, take care. Bye.
-He lied, Chief.
Why did you do that? You know them girls
aren't going to be there.
They'll be there.
Hey, Josh.
How'd you like to be part of the team?
Where are the white women at?
Let's do this.
He's right. Make them bigger.
Chief. They're here.
Chief. They're here.
All right, the girls are yours.
Stick with them. Don't blow your cover.
-Are you sure this is going to work?
-Just trust me. Follow my lead.
What's up, money? You got a problem?
What you looking at my ass for?
No, yo, hold my poodle.
What's up? Y'all got a problem?
Y'all want some of this?
You want some of this, punk? What, boy?
-l'll take the both of you.
-Cut it out.
-He was looking at my ass like l'm a girl.
-You are a girl!
And you better start acting like one
or you're going to be an unemployed girl.
Damn. l'd sure like to cut that cake.
Here, yo, hold this!
Hey, you trying to look at my lumps?
l'll pull off my G-string and handle mine.
-l'll handle mine.
-Kevin, it's Gomez.
Welcome to the Royal Hamptons Hotel.
-The bags are in the car, Jos}