英语翻译dear friends I am sorry I can`t type Chinese words with this computer.Now,I can`t smile,I can`t say any joke...I can`t perform..I am so tired!But I still want to say:Thankyou so much for your support.I love the Chocolat from you,i am eati_百度作业帮
英语翻译dear friends I am sorry I can`t type Chinese words with this computer.Now,I can`t smile,I can`t say any joke...I can`t perform..I am so tired!But I still want to say:Thankyou so much for your support.I love the Chocolat from you,i am eati
英语翻译dear friends I am sorry I can`t type Chinese words with this computer.Now,I can`t smile,I can`t say any joke...I can`t perform..I am so tired!But I still want to say:Thankyou so much for your support.I love the Chocolat from you,i am eating now...I love the letters booklet from you,it gave me a big suprise.I love the flowers and gifts from you,as well.you are the most important people for me,because the only reason that I stand on stage is only for you.i will never do any“耍大牌”things to you.I really need to take a break.Thank you ,my best fans.Lu Chen
亲爱的朋友,我很抱歉我无法用这台电脑打中文.现在,我无法笑,无法说任何玩笑,无法演出,我真的很累!但是我仍然想说：非常感谢你们的支持.我喜欢你们送的巧克力,我现在正在吃.我喜欢你们寄来的信,它们给我带来了很大的惊喜.同样我也喜欢你们给我的鲜花和礼物.对我而言,你们是最重要的人,我站在舞台表演的唯一原因就是因为有你们.我永远不会对你们耍大牌.我真的需要休息.谢谢,我最爱的谦迷们刘谦希望我的翻译对你有所帮助.
亲爱的朋友，很抱歉我现在无法输入汉语。 我无法笑，无法说笑话，去表演。。。我很累了！但我仍然想说：谢谢你们的支持我喜欢你们给的巧克力，我正在吃哦我喜欢你们给的信。小书册。。我收到时很吃惊’我也喜欢你们的花和礼物你们是我最重要的人，是我站上舞台的唯一原因我从不会对你们耍大牌我现在真的需要休息了谢谢。我最好的粉丝...
亲爱的朋友们我很抱歉我不能输入中文的话这台电脑上。现在，我不能笑，我不能说任何玩笑...我不能执行..我很疲惫！但我还是想说： Thankyou这么多的支持。我爱巧克力由你，我现在吃...我爱的小册子，从你的信，它给了我一个巨大的惊喜。我喜欢鲜花和礼物你，以及。你是最重要的人对我来说，因为只有如此，我站在舞台上只有你。...
亲爱的朋友，我很抱歉我无法用这台电脑打中文。现在，我无法笑，无法说任何玩笑，无法演出，我真的很累！但是我仍然想说：非常感谢你们的支持。我喜欢你们送的巧克力，我现在正在吃。我喜欢你们寄来的信，它们给我带来了很大的惊喜。同样我也喜欢你们给我的鲜花和礼物。对我而言，你们是最重要的人，我站在舞台唯一原因就是你们。我永...
亲爱的朋友，很抱歉我现在无法在这台电脑上输入汉语。现在， 我无法笑，无法说笑话，去表演...我很累了！但我仍然想说：谢谢你们的支持我喜欢你们给的巧克力，我正在吃哦我喜欢你们给的信。小书册。。我收到时很吃惊’我也喜欢你们的花和礼物你们是我最重要的人，是我站上舞台的唯一原因我将不会对你们做任何耍大牌的事...
亲爱的朋友们：非常抱歉，我现在使用的这台电脑不能打出中文字。我现在笑不出来，说不了话也开不了玩笑...也无法表演...因为我现在非常疲惫。但是我还是想对你们说：非常感谢你们对我的支持。我喜欢你们送我的巧克力，并且我现在正在吃...我喜欢你们送我的留言册，这给了我极大的惊喜。当然，我也喜欢你们的花和礼物。你们对我来说是最重要的人，...
亲爱的朋友们
现在我的这台电脑无法打出中文字，我很抱歉。
我笑不出来，我没办法开任何玩笑……我没办法表演……我实在是太累了！
但是我仍然想要说：我非常感谢你们的支持。
我很喜欢你们送我的巧克力，我正在吃了哦……
我很爱你们寄给我的信册，它给了我很大的惊喜。
当然我也很喜欢你们给我的花和礼物。 ...经典名著高瞻远瞩放眼全球
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March 10th, 2012by
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
I hate the word ‘suicide’, it’s such an ugly word to hear and to say and to type. It sounds evil, like it’s a sin. I don’t think wanting to die is a sin. Even worse than the word ‘suicide’ is the phrase: ‘commit suicide’. People commit crimes and sins. To me, death isn’t a sin or a crime, it’s a release and nothing else.
A release. I suppose that’s what I want. A release from my life as it is right now.
That’s another problem- there’s nothing technically wrong with my life, or with me. Well, there shouldn’t be anyway. I have a great family and lots of friends. I do well enough in school. I have enough money. I have a stable home life. People like me. I’m the girl who’s always there for people. The girl who’s always happy. But for some reason, despite my prefect life, I’m broken.
Broken. That’s probably the best way to describe how I feel. But again, I’m not sure why I’m broken. Like I said, nothing traumatic has ever happened to me. I was bullied throughout my time at Primary school, from the ages of 9-11, but that kind of stopped a long time ago. That’s about the worst thing that’s happened to me so far, and I guess on a scale of things it’s pretty minor. But then again, children being cruel to other children is horrible. Adults have no idea how unkind really young people can be to each? other.
So yeah, broken. Something about me must be broken. Because in theory, I’m perfect. So why should a teenager who has it all not want to exist anymore?
Compared to so many people, I do have it all. But at the same time, I have nothing. I might have friends, but I don’t have anyone to talk to in the way I’m talking to this webpage. I might have a lovely family and a really close relationship with my Mum, but I can never force myself to tell her how screwed up I and I probably never will. In a strange way I’m alone, and I’m starting to realise that my loneliness is self-enforced.
That’s what I do, really. I self-destruct. I push people away. Not on purpose, but there must be a reason I am yet to trust anyone in my life enough to know who and how I really am at times. I just subconsciously ruin things for myself, and I don’t know why. The moment things start to go right, I do something and everything seems to fall apart again.
And my friends? Yeah, there are loads. But none of them know me, because I can’t bring myself to tell them. I don’t want to tell them how screwed up I am, because I have no proper reason for feeling this way. I want to help people, I like to give advice. I want to be the friend who’s always there. I want to look after people and make it okay for them. But I don’t want anyone to do that for me.
I don’t want help. that’s another strange thing. I really, really don’t want help. I don’t even know why. Perhaps it’s because I’m incredibly stubborn, I have trouble letting anybody help me do things. Maths is the exception to that rule. So anyway, I don’t like help and i don’t like sympathy. If I do something, it has to be on my terms. I don’t want to rely on anyone else. If I want to change, it’s going to be on my terms. If I want to die, it will be on my terms. But like I said, I’m not sure if it’s death I want, because all I really want is to disappear.
At the moment, it’s like I’m trapped inside myself. I’m basically a thousand and one contradictions: Happy but also sad. Loud but also quiet. Independent, but also lonely. Fearless, but also afraid. Intelligent, but not clever. I love aspects of life, but I want to disappear.
I want to disappear. It’s not a case of wanting to die. It’s not that I wish I’d never been born. I literally just want to fade away and disappear. I can’t even explain it properly. However I phrase it, it just sounds suicidal. And I don’t think I want to die, and like I said, suicide’s an ugly word. I want to cease to be. I don’t believe in a God, in a Heaven, but I do feel there’s an afterlife of some kind. I don’t want an afterlife. I don’t want a life anymore, and life is so closely connected with death. But again, am I suicidal? Are these the thoughts of someone who actually does want to die? I don’t know. I just don’t know. That’s what scares me, really.
It’s not even like I feel this way all the time. I mean it’s always there, in the back of my mind, but I also have moments of true happiness. I do laugh at times, I do feel part of things a lot of the time. It’s just that more often than not, I sit with a huge group of friends and people who care, but I don’t even feel like I’m there at all. I feel distant and alone a lot of the time. I feel hopelessly disconnected.
And again, I’m not even sure why! Technically, I have a perfect life. It’s as though I don’t deserve the luxury of feeling this way. It’s as though my sadness is self-indulgent. Like I’m one of those poor little Daddies girls. The kind of girl with no real issues who just makes up this screwed up depression. I don’t think I’m one of those girl, because those girls share their depression with the world. They make it into fashion. We live in a society where the more fucked up you are, the more you deserve your sadness. I don’t deserve my sadness, because I have no reason to be sad.
And is it sadness? Or is it something darker? I hate questions, but they’re all I really have at the moment… “Am I suicidal? Am I depressed? Should I do more? Should I tell someone? Is it worth anything? Why do I try?” And the worst question of all: “What’s the point”.
I hate asking myself that, because in truth, there is no point. We’re all going to die anyway, so who cares? I know that there are a lot of things in life that matter, but I’m yet to find any true meaning to my life.
I’m kind of useless. I don’t really do anything. I lie in bed at 2 AM and feel so alone, then I come up with all these big plans: to help people, to be a better person, to be girl I’d want to be friends with. But truly, that changes nothing in the end. Because I wake up exhausted, struggle to get up in time, rush to get dressed and grab my books, then it’s out the door and off to school for another day of mess, confusion and never moving forward or putting any of my plans in action.
Basically, I’m screwed up and alone. I’m 16 and I feel hopeless a lot of the time. Sometimes I tell myself that it will all be okay someday, and a lot of me is sure that it will be, even now as I type this. But another part of me tells me that unless I can somehow change, and stop being the sad little girl with selfish depression, things will work. And I try. I really do try. I don’t ever hurt myself anymore, and even when I did, I only used a razor one time, experimentally.
It didn’t work. It didn’t make me feel better. I didn’t feel the sense of relief or calmness that other self-harmers get. Does that make me fake? That I only experienced the correct feelings when I was clawing at skin, rather than cutting it. Maybe I just failed at that as well- how can simply scratching the surface work better than slicing with a razor? Another example of how fucked up I can be, I suppose.
So yeah, I tell myself things will work out in the end, that I won’t be sad forever. And yeah, I do believe it sometimes. But there are also times when I feel so hopeless. Because the only way I can sort myself out is by beating this sadness. And I guess a small part of me clings to my sadness. Because in a way, the sadness is keeping me safe.
By feeling miserable an alone on a near constant basis, it makes it easier for me to deal with people. I’m untouchable to anything people say to me or behind my back, as I simply don’t care. Because no amount of dislike from others can be equal to my dislike for myself. In that way, my sadness keeps me safe.
If I let myself truly care about things, I’m likely to get hurt. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want my heart broken. So perhaps that’s why I never let people get too close to me. I’m scared and protecting myself. But why?
Why am I so scared? What am I so afraid of? No one’s really hurt me properly in the past, so it’s not like I’m scarred by memories or anything. Why do I feel this way? None of it even makes sense. I have the perfect life, perfect family, perfect everything, so why do I still want to disappear?
Like I’ve said many times already, I don’t want to kill myself, as such. I don’t want anyone to have to find me dead. I don’t want to be remembered as the teenager who let no one in, then ruined the life of her family by killing herself. I don’t want to die at all really. What I want is for everything to end. There’s a difference. I want things to be over, I don’t want to be dead.
It’s just that if I suddenly got it by a car and lost my life, I wouldn’t be too upset. Maybe I do actually want to die, I just don’t want to be the one to do it. I can’t be the one to do it. I don’t want to screw things up for my family or anyone else. Because if I killed myself, they’d blame themselves. And I don’t want them to. Because it’s not their fault. I’m a screwed up person, but they brought me up beautifully. I had an unbelievably happy childhood, both of my parents make me smile and have always made me feel so loved. It’s not their fault I’m like this, I’m screwed up. Because like I said earlier, I must be broken in some way, because in theory, every thing’s great in my life.
All I want is to go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t want to dream. I want to close my eyes at night for good, and for them to stay shut. I don’t want to go to a heaven or any kind of afterlife. I want to be deeply asleep for all eternity, and I don’t want to put myself to sleep, because that would destroy things entirely.
I want to disappear.
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